“Teacher, I need extra credit. My family and my government will be very angry if I don’t get an A. You must give me one more chance.”
Mariam stood at my desk after class, eyes pleading, voice rising. Behind her, three more students waited in line. This was the fourth time that week someone had cornered me about grades, and it was only Wednesday.
I was exhausted. Frustrated. Ready to scream…basically, in no mood to show patience and kindness. I could barely hold back the snark even though I knew Mariam wasn’t being manipulative.
She genuinely believed this approach would work…and in her previous educational experience, it probably did. Persistence, emotional appeals, and family pressure were the tools that had served her well before.
And before you think “Well, she’s an adult, why does she care what her family thinks?”…remember that in many cultures, parents continue supporting their adult children financially and emotionally well into adulthood. Even after marriage. Even after those adult children have kids of their own. That support comes with expectations, and academic success is often high on that list.
Plus, many of my Saudi students are on government scholarships (King Abdullah) that require them to maintain good grades and show progress to keep the funding. Lose the grades, lose the scholarship, lose the ability to stay in the program. The pressure isn’t just emotional. It is financial and logistical.
Mariam’s concern about her family’s reaction and possibly losing her scholarship wasn’t childish. It was real.
But the approach she was using wasn’t going to work here. And nobody had bothered to tell her that.
We Teach ESL…and Everything Else
You’ve walked students to the bank to help them open accounts. You’ve listened to their voicemails and explained what the dentist’s office meant. You’ve explained how to use a washing machine, recommended mechanics you trust, helped them understand notes from their kids’ teachers, and rescued them from predatory phone contracts.
We share our favorite grocery stores and tell them how to find the international ones in a nearby city. We meet up with them outside of class to help them navigate apartment maintenance requests. (That thermostat that turned out to be a Farenheit/Celsius misunderstanding…that one was funny!)
We do all of this because we know they can’t be expected to just figure it out on their own. We’re not just teaching English. We’re teaching them how to function in a completely foreign environment.
So why do we expect them to magically know the unspoken rules around talking to instructors about grades?
What if it’s Culture instead of Entitlement?
When one of my students tells me “You have to extend the deadline” or “I need you to give me extra credit,” I used to hear entitlement. (Self-entitled as viewed through my own cultural bias, I should say.)
But what if it’s not entitlement at all?
What if they genuinely don’t know that this approach, which worked perfectly well in their home country, is going to backfire here? What if nobody has ever shown them what WOULD work?
Elementary school teachers spend weeks at the beginning of the year teaching classroom expectations. They do this because they know those expectations don’t get learned by walking through the classroom doorway. Six-year-olds need to be explicitly taught how to line up, how to ask for help, and how to handle conflict with classmates.
Why would adult international students automatically know the cultural expectations around academic conversations they’ve never had in English before?
The Solution is so Simple…Stop Complaining and Start Teaching
I got tired of being frustrated. So I did what teachers do…I taught them.
I created scripted role plays that walk students through these conversations. Not vague guidelines. Actual scripts that show them what helps them get what they want and what kills their chances immediately.
We practice the terrible version first. Students ham it up, making it even more outrageous than real life:
“Teacher, you MUST change my grade. My father will be so angry. I need an A. This is not fair!”
Then we break down why it doesn’t work. We talk about the cultural assumptions embedded in that approach. We discuss what American professors are listening for, what makes them want to help versus what makes them shut down.
Then we practice the version that works:
“Professor, I’m concerned about my grade on the last essay. Could we schedule a time to talk about how I can improve? I want to make sure I understand what you’re looking for.”
Same goal, but with a different approach that gives way better results.
Does it Actually Work? You Betcha!
The first time I taught these role plays, I wasn’t sure the students would really get it. Maybe they would practice in class and then revert to what felt natural when the pressure was on.
But then Latifah came to class grinning. She’d used the script with her grammar teacher and got permission to do extra work for extra credit. Mousa told me his writing teacher agreed to meet with him after classes were over after he asked “the American way.”
They reported back, triumphant, because it worked.
And I kept hearing them use these phrases in the hallway, with me, and with other teachers. Not because I forced them to memorize lines (totally didn’t do that), but because I gave them a tool that helped them get what they needed.
Show Them How Things Work
You don’t have to keep being frustrated. You don’t have to keep feeling like students are being pushy or entitled or culturally inappropriate.
You just have to teach them what you already teach them about everything else…how things work here.
Give them the scripts. Practice the role plays. Let them see the difference between what shuts down a conversation and what opens it up.
They’ll learn. They want to learn. They just need someone to show them how.
Now go teach some expectations.
Want the actual role play scripts? Grab them here.
Read more about role plays in adult ESL!
- The Amazing Power of Role Plays in Adult ESL
- How to Create Everyday Role Plays Your Adult ESL Students Truly Need
- Teaching Adult ESL: Real Talk for New Teachers
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