Have you ever thoroughly disgusted someone without meaning to? Just going about your normal day, doing something completely ordinary, and suddenly everyone’s staring at you with horror?
I’ll never forget the look of shocked disgust on the faces of a classroom full of Korean kindergarteners when I blew my nose. Yeah. Don’t do that in Korea. Hard, juicy-sounding sniffs are better tolerated than even a quietish blow into a tissue.
Now that you’ve got that sound stuck in your head (sorry!), think about it from your students’ perspective. They’re making their way through a new culture where everyday actions might be considered rude, gross, or inappropriate. And they have no idea until someone reacts with disgust or judgment.
Your adult ESL students aren’t just learning a language. They’re learning how to fit into a culture with different social norms and expectations. Teaching etiquette and manners helps them navigate social situations without accidentally offending people or missing opportunities because someone judged them on their manners.
Why Etiquette & Manners Can Matter More Than Irregular Verbs
Good manners and etiquette are crucial for building positive relationships and making good impressions in social and professional settings. Your students need help beyond grammar rules.
Etiquette & manners builds confidence. When students understand proper etiquette, you’ve given them a framework to work within and boundaries to feel comfortable inside. They need these tools to maneuver unfamiliar situations. This is especially helpful for introverted students who are shy or hesitant in social interactions.
It strengthens relationships. When students understand and follow social norms, they demonstrate respect and consideration for others. This results in positive relationships, which in turn gives students more authentic settings to practice their English.
It helps with cultural differences. Social norms and customs vary dramatically across cultures. Understanding these differences helps students avoid misunderstandings with classmates, neighbors, and coworkers.
I’ve seen firsthand how etiquette affects relationships. One student, let’s call him Student A, had a habit of belching loudly whenever he felt the need. Totally acceptable in his culture. Not acceptable to his classmates from other cultures.
Once I made him aware of the difference and he started being more restrained with burps, his relationship with his previously disdainful classmates improved. Then, after a lesson on etiquette and manners, his classmates came to the uncomfortable realization that they, too, had done things viewed as rude in another culture. Specifically, Student A’s culture.
It helps students make positive impressions. Whether in a job interview, a social gathering, or a business meeting, good manners and etiquette help your students present themselves positively and professionally.
Your students have lives outside your classroom. We don’t want them to miss opportunities because they didn’t know their everyday action was considered rude.
3 Fun Etiquette & Manners Activities
The challenge is making etiquette & manners lessons feel relevant and not preachy. These three activities do that.
1. Role-Playing because practicing now makes everything easier later
I love role-playing activities. My TpT store is full of them for a reason–they work.
Role-plays let students practice etiquette and manners in pretend social situations without the risk of being judged. In the safety of your welcoming classroom, with their affective filter lowered, students feel comfortable trying out different scenarios. They gain valuable experience and get timely feedback from peers and teachers.
So, how do you use role plays?
With low beginners: Practice short, common situations like greeting someone, making small talk, and introducing themselves. These closely mimic what they’ll do frequently in real life.
With everyone: Have students pay attention to body language, tone of voice, and other nonverbal cues. Practice shaking hands and making eye contact when greeting someone. If their main language is tonal, you might need to give extra pointers on what a friendly tone sounds like in your area.
Encourage students to think of themselves as actors if they don’t feel comfortable. The more they practice, the more natural it becomes.
Show inappropriate body language too. It breaks the ice. But first, make sure you’re not accidentally making fun of what’s appropriate in another culture. I always preferred to demonstrate something that I already knew was rude in their culture but not in mine. I wanted to look like doofus, not make them feel bad.
Be culturally sensitive. Don’t require students to shake hands if touching another person isn’t permissible in their culture. Many Saudi women, for example, won’t be comfortable shaking hands with a male who isn’t a family member.
Role-playing gives students a chance to practice language skills in a natural, interactive way while still feeling safe. Encourage them to use vocabulary and grammar they’ve learned. Give feedback on their language use, etiquette, and manners.
Then, armed with that feedback and practice, they’ll be ready to try their new skills outside your classroom.
2. Manners Matter: the Hunt for Please and Thank You
This gets students identifying common manners in their everyday lives.
What they need: Writing materials (pen and paper, laptop, whatever) and smartphones to film short re-enactments.
Start with discussion. Talk about the importance of good manners in society. Explain that manners show respect to others and make them feel comfortable. Have students share how someone showing good manners made them feel at ease. All this ensures that they understand the meaning of “manners”.
Next, have students think about common manners they encounter daily. If they need prompting, give examples: saying “please” and “thank you,” holding the door for someone, or covering your mouth when you cough.
Now the fun part. Students have two options to demonstrate their understanding:
- Shoot a video of a short re-enactment of common manners they’ve observed, using classmates, friends, or family members.
- Write a short description of good manners they’ve observed in everyday life.
Remember: some students won’t feel comfortable being filmed or filming others. Offering the writing alternative is important.
Finally, come back together as a class. Watch the videos and have students read what they wrote. Discuss the importance of showing respect through good manners and it might be different here than where they’re from. Encourage students to keep paying attention to this culture’s manners in everyday life and try to practice the same good manners themselves.
3. Elbows Off the Table: Dining Etiquette
A potluck dinner is a great opportunity for students to learn about dining etiquette in a relaxed, social setting. Students tend to greet any suggestion of the entire class eating together with great enthusiasm. Food over worksheets every day, am I right?
During the potluck, demonstrate proper etiquette for your region: the appropriate way to use utensils, how to signal you’re finished eating, how to engage in conversation during the meal. Encourage students to share etiquette rules from their own cultures too.
Additional ideas for incorporating dining etiquette:
Set the table in advance. Show students where to place utensils, glasses, and napkins.
Discuss appropriate table conversation. Remind students to respect others’ opinions and viewpoints.
Encourage students to try new foods, how to politely decline something they cannot eat, and to show appreciation for dishes brought to the potluck.
Demonstrate proper table manners: using utensils correctly, not talking with food in your mouth. Maybe tell them not to ask someone a question right after they’ve taken a bite. (Okay, so that got added because they did that to me all the time!)
Remind students to thank the host for the meal and offer to help clean up afterward.
Cultural Differences: The Stuff That Trips Everyone Up
While some manners are universal, there are significant differences in how people greet each other, make small talk, and behave in social situations.
Here are some examples to get discussion rolling:
Greetings: In some cultures, people greet with a hug or kiss on the cheek. In American culture, handshakes and fist bumps are more common, or a wave if you’re at a distance.
Eye contact: In many Asian cultures, making direct eye contact while speaking is considered impolite. In American culture, eye contact generally shows respect and attentiveness.
Shoes indoors: In some cultures, you remove shoes when entering someone’s home. In American culture, you’re generally expected to keep shoes on, but check for shoes near the door. That’s a hint about the host’s preference.
Using titles: In some cultures, using titles (“Mr.” or “Mrs.”) is customary even with people you know well. In American culture, first names are more common unless there’s a specific reason to use a title (like in professional settings).
Refusing food or drink: In some cultures, refusing offered food or drink is impolite. In American culture, politely declining is generally acceptable. Share some easy outs students can use: “I’m full. I just ate.” or “I’m watching my sugar intake.” But also, in America, if you say no, that’s it. In other cultures, the host is expected to repeatedly offer/insist.
Eating noises: In some cultures, slurping soup or making noise while eating signals enjoyment. In American culture, that’s considered impolite.
Wedding gifts: In some cultures, giving money at weddings or special occasions is customary. In American culture, guests generally bring a gift or send a card.
Asking about age: In the United States, asking someone’s age directly is rude, especially to a woman. However, in Korean culture, asking someone’s age is one of the first questions asked because it helps establish social hierarchy.
Regional Differences in Etiquette & Manners Within the United States
The United States is huge, and etiquette varies regionally just like it does in other large countries.
The South: Saying “yes ma’am” or “no sir” is a sign of respect. Much less common in other parts of the country.
The Midwest: Holding the door open for others is a sign of politeness. Less common in some other regions. Explain to students that while this gesture was historically reserved for men showing courtesy to women, it’s now a polite gesture for anyone to show anyone else–especially someone carrying a heavy load, dealing with young children, or with mobility challenges.
Regional dress codes: In some parts of the country, dressing formally for work or special occasions is common. In other parts, like the hot, dry Southwest, people are more casual and don’t wear suits or dresses as often.
Be aware of regional differences because your students may come from different parts of the country or world and may not be familiar with local norms. Encourage students to ask questions and seek clarification on unfamiliar customs. This helps them feel more comfortable and confident in their new surroundings.
The Bottom Line
Teaching etiquette and manners in adult ESL classes helps students feel more confident in social situations, deal with cultural differences, and make positive impressions in their personal and professional lives.
Your students are trying to fit into a new culture while dealing with language barriers. Don’t let them blow their nose in front of Koreans (metaphorically speaking) because nobody told them the rules.
Incorporate fun activities. Address cultural and regional differences. Help your students develop these skills so they can succeed outside your classroom, not just within it.
That’s it from me. See you in the next post!
I have two etiquette & manners resources available in my TpT store:
role plays . . . | | | . . . discussion topic cards
